So that happened... it wasn't pretty and you are not exactly proud of yourself or your choices right now, you were a bit harsh or simply over-reacted though you didn't mean to but stuff and "people" happened. You know, 90% of our problems are people problems, as much as you need people, sometimes it can be a piece of work coping with different characters. People who seem to be experts at getting along with everyone had to do a lot work on themselves and I find it's usually easier for sanguines but no matter how much work you do on yourself, there would always be people around you that are specially anointed to annoy you. I call this phenomenon "Rough edges and Sandpaper", I think God deliberately put these people around us to smoothen the rough edges around us, to teach us patience and love *sigh*.
Ever woken up early in the morning feeling so joyful like nothing can ruin your day today, you feel so filled with the Holy-Ghost and while you lay in your cozy bed you make all your plans for holiness that day. You say- "oh today I am going to smile at everyone, I will not get angry or lose my mind, I will maintain this joyful attitude and will certainly not cuss today either etc..." And then the minute you get out of bed, step out of your room and see a human, that's the end of your holiness plan! You see, because humans just know the right button to press, a button you probably didn't even know exists somewhere in you, and then whoops! When triggered right, you flip! Throw a fit or do whatever it is you do when you are upset. All that plan for holiness you made on your nice warm bed thrown out of the window for that day and then the next day, you have to start afresh with another plan.
If you are lucky the next day, nobody will annoy you, but that is most likely a 0-1% chance especially if you live in this Lagos, if your colleagues, a friend or a customer don't annoy you, one reckless driver will, especially those danfo drivers or one conductor will just not want to give you change argh!
(how come they work all day and never have change?) Or is it those okada men in the area, that will always keep asking you where you are going to as if they are your fathers and if you don't answer them, they will park their bike in front of you and tell you to enter,
enter to where oga? where do you know I am going to? If none of that annoys you, then try passing through Yaba market first especially if you are a girl, those Igbo boys selling jeans that just like to touch women without respect, like must you touch me before I hear what you are saying? I am tired of this Lagos
o... but regardless
sha, as long as I am in this Naija, I'd rather live in Lagos
(so all of you telling me to relocate to Abuja should not bother, lol).
It can be really frustrating not keeping to your holiness plan almost everyday, especially when you're just beginning your strong walk with God or you've not been very long in this. You just love God so much and you want to do right by him all the time but then these unexpected things keep happening from time to time, and you mess up every single time and you just feel so hopelessly disappointed in yourself and you wonder- "am I ever going to change? Am I even growing at all, I am reading the bible, listening to lots of bible teachings and trying my best to practice God's word everyday, when am I going to see the changes it is supposed to be doing in me?" I know this feeling because I have been there a lot.
To make matters worse, you have people around who are quick to judge you every single time you make a mistake like they are so perfect themselves, they don't see your heart or how much you struggle and genuinely want to do right, all they do is criticize, gossip about you and draw all kinds of perceptions and conclusions about you but they don't even know the half about you. Yike! that hurts so bad. I mean how could they know the real you? You can't pick up a book, read up the middle page and drop it, then claim to be an expert of that book?
Aunty you are too much, even Albert Einstein no intelligent reach you...
I mean the way people just draw all kinds of conclusions about people is so amazing, like where do they get these things from? Imagine someone once told me that "I walk like I'm better than everyone else, that's why she used to stay away from me", that made me laugh so hard, tears was almost coming out through my nose, cos I don't even know what that means... How do you draw such conclusions from a person's walk? Small girl like me that is just gently minding my business in my "one corner" and when she was asked if she had ever had any altercation with me or witness me having any with someone else, she couldn't even answer, imagine that? But she had judged me from my walk, is it fair?
I simply want to encourage anyone struggling with changing into a better person and being constantly judged for your mistakes and even things you are innocent of. Especially when people know you are a serious Christian, their judgemental antenna is always alert around you, ready to pick up your mistake signals, so they can be quick to say
"and she dey carry Jesus for head, aunty born-again". Oh please... don't let anyone put you under pressure, change is gradual and as long as you are in this mortal flesh you will never be perfect until Jesus comes but you will grow everyday to be more and more like him, if you keep studying the word, praying to God everyday to help you do his word. You might not see that you're growing but you actually are.
It's like a flower plant... put it in the ground, water it and it starts to grow a little stem, then you sit there one day to watch it grow, you want to see how the little stem grows slowly... you will sit there all day and night but you will not see anything. BUT leave it alone, provide an irrigation system to keep watering it daily, then come back in a month or two to see it, you will be amazed at how that little seed has tremendously grown and blossomed into a beautiful, strong, yet delicate flower.
So that's how it basically works with you, stop being so hard on yourself all the time, you made a mistake but don't dwell on it, just say oops! That was bad... learn the lesson, let it go and move on quickly. If you need to apologize to someone you know you offended, be humble enough to apologize and continue with your life quickly. When those self acclaimed chief judges of the universe speak up to judge you, tell them- "Do not memorize me like this, I am getting better and better by the day, He is changing me from glory to glory to glory and I am growing into his image daily. Keep pressing in towards change, like the gardener waters his flower plant daily, keep studying God's word daily and let it transform you, keep practicing them, do not give up on yourself, you are doing great!
This is a two part series, I will be posting the second part later this week, don't miss it.
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